GOOD MORNING, GUYS! Dudes, guess what? I had one of those disintegrating tire blowouts on McLoughlin this morning, but don't worry—I'M OKAY.

In somewhat less important news, good news for teen criminals! They cannot be locked up for life without parole, unless they've killed someone. WHEW!

Bad news for sexual deviants! The Supreme Court also ruled that certain sex offenders can be kept behind bars indefinitely—even after their sentences are up.

Thousands of Thai protesters refuse to disperse from central Bangkok, which means government forces are getting ready for a massive smack down.

Iran says it will ship some of its enriched uranium to Turkey—if the country promises to use it to blow us up.

After a month of oil rushing into the ocean, BP says their newest plan to stop the leak is working. (As opposed to the "turkey baster" plan they were using previously.)

Meanwhile an ocean current could carry the oil spill to the Florida Keys, and up the East Coast.

Apple's Steve Jobs gets in a late-night email battle with a blogger. Bad idea, Steve. Bad idea.

Heavy metal demi-god Ronnie James Dio has succumbed to cancer at the age of 67. Horns up, everybody!

In sports, the Mighty Mercury Softball Team suffered a rare defeat yesterday to the Matador who played an amazing game. Final score: 21-20.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Showers and mid-60s until I tell you otherwise.

And finally, here's a picture taken in 1979 of residents of Arizona and Mexico playing volleyball using the border fence as a net. This was before Arizona turned into dicks, of course.