Some sort of mad beard scientist staying at the Jupiter Hotel developed this chart that compiles Portland facial hair (the Y axis) on an hourly basis (the X axis). This updated version—the previous one was an incomplete sample size from Monday—was drawn on the hotel's chalkboard painted doors. What about the ironic beard or mustache? Does that count for more? Science is also failing to factor in irony. Stupid science.
Tip of the hat to Bryan and Anna at the Doug Fir.