This letter just came in:

Dear Mercury,
I am sad to say your 10th Anniversary party sucked ass!! Repeat: SUCKED ASS!!
Free, huh? What exactly may I ask was free!? What, some canned hipster music and Four Square as if we were in third grade? How much did the V.I.P.'s pay for your “free” party??
Put my name on this, because I have balls enough to say your party was lamer than lame. It was sad, a lie & the most pathetic, so-called “party” EVER!! Thanks for wasting my fucking time, you liars.

Karla Semczuk

P.S. FREE = you don't pay for anything, period!