I can't think of anything that insults my senses more than a fracking stupid kids' movie with hideous computer animation. I'm pretty sure Toy Story blew me away when it first came out but I couldn't tell you for sure. That nostalgic part of my memory becomes more rotten and hollow every time Dreamworks or wherever farts out more legions of half-formed cinematic mongoloids to go inner tubing through the uncanny valley. I hate Doogal, I hate Hoodwinked! and I hate Shrek VII: Unhappily Never After. I hope the people behind films like these live out eternity in crappily rendered purgatory.

Now Sir Fucking Sean Connery is coming out of semi-retirement to play a skateboarding Scottish grandpa who has to save some beavers or something in what looks like my worst nightmare. May the godless cretins responsible for whatever Sir Billi is someday feel one drop of the empathic shame this trailer caused me to feel for Scotland and what's left of Sean Connery's shriveled pride.