My favorite line is at the end. Delightfully WTF.
Dear Little Man, when I first saw you on NW 23rd saying something obnoxious to that woman and staring at her ass, I thought it must be a joke. The way you licked your lips and bugged out your eyes like an extra from Reefer Madness, it was as if I'd traveled back in time to an uncouth era where mashers and creeps ruled the streets. Then I saw you not an hour later downtown by the Fox Tower pulling the same anachronistic routine, and I admit to marveling at how quickly you were working your way through the city. Do you collect rejection and disgust by the block? And why are you preceding me wherever I go? Listen, just because nature cursed you with a troll-like frame, it doesn't mean you have to act like one. Crawl back under a bridge—we have a lot of them in Portland for you to choose from—and leave the ladies of our city in peace. May a billy goat gruffly bite your nuts off.—Anonymous