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It's birthday day for John Slattery (better known as Mad Men's Roger Sterling), who I hope to look like should I ever live to be 48. And to celebrate, here are my favorite Roger Sterling witticisms. They're funny because they're TRUE! (Also because he's drunk.)

"When God closes a door, he opens a dress."

"You don't know how to drink. Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons. My generation, we drink because it's good, because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar, because we deserve it. We drink because it's what men do."

"I want the Chinamen out of the building by lunchtime."

"Aren’t you even going to have any of this? Look, we’ve got Oysters Rockefeller! Beef Wellington! Napoleons! We leave this lunch alone, it’ll take over Europe."

"I bet there were people in the Bible walking around complaining about kids today."

"Clients are like marriage—you get in it for the wrong reasons and eventually, it's going to hit you in the face."

“I like redheads. Their mouths are like a drop of strawberry jam in a glass of milk.”

"Look, I want to tell you something because you're very dear to me and I hope you understand it comes from the bottom of my damaged, damaged heart. You are the finest piece of ass I ever had and I don't care who knows it. I am so glad I got to roam those hillsides."