I'm off to the mountains for a few days ( I KNOW, RIGHT? WHAT AM I? THIS GUY? JESUS CHRIST!), and you know what that means... NO INTERNET. I'm very interested to see what happens while I'm gone. Here are my predictions.
1) The internet shuts down and waits for me to get back.
2) Someone posts a video of their kitten doing something adorable and/or stupid.
3) Either a public or private figure does something ridiculous and/or shameful, but figures "Oh, what the hell. No one will ever find out, because there's no technological advancement that will allow everyone in the world to see what I've done." That person will be proven wrong.
4) Apes will take over, and when I return, you will be in a loin cloth being shoved into a rustic cage by a gorilla on horseback carrying a rifle. You look sexy in a loin cloth. LET'S DO IT!
And 5) this person will be crowned the next Lady Gaga, which is awesome, because I'm really sick of the Lady Gaga we have now.
See you in a week, INTERNET!