Oregonian sports columnist John "Waitasecond...the Beavers are LEAVING?? When did that happen??" Canzano got into an argument on the radio with Mayor Sam Adams about something he should've spoken up about MONTHS ago. But then he is an idiot, so there you go. Listen to it here, if you're a fan of idiocy.

BP comes out with a new internal report that says, "Hey, remember that oil spill? Wasn't entirely our fault!"

Whoooooosh! Wow, did you see that? An asteroid came kinda close to the earth! And another one is heading our way this afternoon? GAAAHHH! Call the Space Cowboys!

The stoning of an Iranian woman has been put temporarily on hold—presumably so they can find some bigger stones.

Riots erupt in the streets of L.A. after an officer shoots a man for allegedly threatening someone with a knife.

The UN accepts partial responsibility for over 500 systematic rapes in the Congo.

Very old comedian Jerry Lewis threatens to smack Lindsay Lohan... with what? His catheter hose?

Hillbilly preacher
is still threatening to burn copies of the Quran on September 11, despite sound reasoning from non-inbred Americans.

In news you don't care about: America's Got Talent judge Piers Morgan is replacing Larry King.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Slight chance of showers today, high of 68, with continued drying and cool weather to finish out the week.

And finally, Will Smith's daughter Willow Smith is 9-FREAKING-YEARS-OLD and she already has an ass-dropping single?? Listen to this, and get ready to BOUNCE.