I'm not exactly sure how Denis missed this story when composing Good Morning, News—but rest assured the hunt is already on for a new news editor. (Moral: There are no "good" Mercury employees... only "great" ones.)

That being said, check out the latest animated news story from the CGI Taiwanese guys who brought you the Al Gore Sex Poodle Scandal and the "Justin Bieber Story." This one's called "Man Gets Spare Rib Stuck in Anus," and if the title doesn't win you over, the subtitles will. That shot of the bloody contents of a toilet is pretty great, too. (Moral: There are no "good" Mercury employees... only "sad employees with a rib shank stuck inside their anus.")