As many of us suspected, Casey Affleck has confessed to the New York Times that the Joaquin Phoenix two-year breakdown, "retirement" from acting in favor of hiphop, and resultant documentary I'm Still Here is entirely, totally, completely, massively FAKE.
“I never intended to trick anybody,” said Mr. Affleck, an intense 35-year-old who spoke over a meat-free, cheese-free vegetable sandwich on Thursday. “The idea of a quote, hoax, unquote, never entered my mind.”
Yeah right, my ass. Like it never entered his mind when everyone was asking if it was a hoax for two years. Never intended to trick anyone except for just David Letterman maybe (Joaquin will return to the show on Wednesday, which I for one cannot wait to see), and okay maybe a tiny bit the rest of the freaking world, too. But whatever. The important thing is that we don't have to look at a fat, hairy, grumpy, bratty, pooped upon Joaquin anymore (Er... at least for a while. I don't quite trust any of these people anymore.), and can get back to looking at this:
Also, all celebrities planning to have high-profile identity crises/breakdowns in the future: You're fucked. Now nobody will ever believe you. You'll have to go even bigger than you ever imagined.