Some of you guessed that he was going to get a sex change or that he was going to share a "Whitman Sampler" (HA!). But now the "truth" is out: Apparently, Glenn Beck is losing feeling in his hands and feet. He's attributing this to "spiritual wounds." Here's the whole, teary admission:

Oh, no, wait. I'm sorry. That was just a bunch of fucking gobbledygook. Here's a story explaining what's going on:

Conservative talk show host Glenn Beck told his radio audience on Friday that he will be taking a leave of absence next week to deal with medical issues surrounding an unknown ailment.

Within the past year Beck has told his audience about possibly losing his eye sight and most recently losing feeling in his feet and hands.

“They are going under every rock. There is a physical reason. But I believe that physical, mental, and spiritual are all tied. You can’t injure the soul of someone and not have physical wounds appear eventually. It’s just something I believe in, now you may not believe in that, but I do. A lot of physical things, a lot of mental things are from spiritual wounds and vice versa.”

Ooookay.