Though this is primarily addressed to the women of the Mercury—who are famously inept at romantic relationships—I suppose this video can be of use to any Blogtownie gal. LADIES! We already know you are incapable of landing an American male. That's why you should lower your expectations and go EUROPEAN. Apparently, according to this video from Kathleen Chloe Calhoon—author of the soon-to-be-bestselling The Single Girl’s Guide to Meeting European Men—guys from the other side of the ocean are less intelligent, and will therefore fall for the most obvious of female tricks (gleaned from a 1974 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine). So here you go, LADIES—watch this and learn something. GUYS, watch this and pee your pants laughing.

Need more advice from Kathleen? YES, YOU DO! And hat tips to BWE.