Morning, you fall-back drunkards! For now, the sky is bright and blue. For now.
How to kill a law without actually killing it. Republicans further elucidate their big strategy for snatching up health care reform, strapping it to the vet's operating table, and going snip-snip: Hold back all the federal funds required to enforce and implement the thing. And then hope Democrats will still be wearing those sad doggy lampshades come time for 2012.
That "new" Domino's pizza? Thank the government. While Uncle Sam points his finger at us, issuing warning after warning about how cheese and dairy fats are inflating our bellies, thighs, hearts, and ass-cheeks, industry groups are reaching into his pocket for more cash to promote their much-maligned wares.
Multnomah County isn't just a Democratic island; it's a goddamned mountain. But it wasn't always that way. Jeff Mapes at the O explores the demographics behind the massive turnout push last week that kept alive a generation-long string of statewide Democratic victories.
But if we have to be tolerant, then we can't be intolerant. Schools are responding to homophobic bullying with messages of acceptance and frank discussions about non-white-bread living situations. And now hillbillies, puritans, and louts are complaining there's an "agenda." NO SHIT! And it's called kids not killing themselves because all they ever hear from are ASSHOLES like you.
Usually Google Maps just gives out lousy directions. This time, the site's goof led to a (mostly minor) international incident in Central America.
Microsoft lets reporters shadow its "global crusade" against piracy. It's gripping reading, but critics raise an excellent point, calling it a "dog and pony" show. Software monopolists, they say, NEED at least a little piracy "because they would rather have people use their products—even if counterfeit — than pick up lower-cost alternatives."
FUCK YEAH, FATTIES! Golden Corral, America's leading buffet chain, thinks you should top off your meal of chicken fingers/french fries/mashed potatoes/General's chicken/carved ham/prawns/biscuits/pissed-in soup/salmon/cornbread/Jello squares/macaroni and cheese/hot dogs/beef and broccoli with COTTON CANDY. But only after you've gorged on chocolate-vanilla swirled soft serve and crumbly cookies and pudding. Consult here the next time you cross state lines for California, Idaho, Washington.
And then, thankfully, there's this story: One of the trapped Chilean miners, who kept fit by running miles underground every day in his mining boots, took part in this morning's New York Marathon.
It's science, eh! Canadian geniuses are pioneering a technique in which skin cells are used to manufacture a clean, healthy source of blood.
Why this? Because it feels good. (Um, slightly NSFW!)