New York City adds 250 miles of bike lanes—but the shit hits the fan when they take away 2.35 miles.

Is the TSA reconsidering its invasive practices? If so, who's gonna touch my junk at the airport?

Also! TSA chief John Pistole is urging passengers not to stage a "body scan boycott" on Thanksgiving. A "body scan boycott"? GREAT IDEA!

Also! A shirtless boy in Utah is given the frisk by the TSA! Wow! They're letting Catholic priests become TSA officers?

Also! A man in Michigan says his TSA pat-down was so rough, it burst his colostomy bag soaking him in urine. That's not sexy... at all!

A FBI report released today reveals that more than 6,600 hate crimes were committed in the U.S. in 2009.

Heartbreaker: A toddler fell to his death out of a luxury suite box at the Staples Center at a Lakers game last night.

People you DON'T want to hear were driving drunk: Nuclear weapon truck drivers.

Pope seeks debate on condoms. My opinion? Yes, priests should wear them while fucking children. [I know that's my second Catholic priest joke, but don't stop me, I'm on a roll!]

Anti-Facebook pastor
steps down after admitting affairs, including a three-way with his wife and male church assistant! [Insert Catholic priest joke here.]

Bieber Fever: Das Beebs takes home four trophies at last night's American Music Awards including "Artist of the Year," and NO, you will NOT ever hear the end of it!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: SNOW ADVISORY TODAY, with a possible 1-2 inches by the afternoon. Also, colder than a witch's tit tomorrow!

And finally! The Simpsons have still got it.


Busey slow clap for that one!