Here's what's currently on the minds of Americans across the nation, courtesy of Google Trends. (Note the absence of any concern about North Korea. Good for you, America! Ignore those bastard cry babies!)

1) Butterball Turkey! Put this on your Thanksgiving table! I dare you!!

2) Campbells Green Bean Casserole Recipe! Dammit. I'd eat the shit out of this, so no smartassery. Here's the recipe.

3) Thanksgiving Quotes! Okay, how about this one? "And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."—Friedrich Nietzsche

4) Happy Thanksgiving Pictures!

5) Turkey Cooking Times Per Pound! And because I don't want you to die...

You're welcome!