You know those conversations that you have with your friends about sex toys that would be hilarious if they were real? For example, my friend and I have been discussing a Star Wars themed sex toy line for years. Lightsaber vibrators, Darth Vader Dildos, a Han Solo blow up doll for the ladies, Yoda anal beads. You know, normal conversation. Generally, these conversations are jokes (I mean, I think a lightsaber vibrator would sell like crazy, but it's not gonna happen on my dime anytime soon). Point is you don't make them a reality.

You know where this is going. Someone took one of those conversations and made it real. Very real. I present to you Horror themed dildos from a company appropriately called Necronomicox. ...It's disturbing.

First, we take a look at the Lovecraftian collection and what they call the "Mythos Art Dildo." We all know it's Cthulhu. Just admit it.

Cthulu will end your vagina.
  • Cthulhu will end your vagina.

Up next is the lovely "Xenomorph Dildo." You can clearly see that Necronomicox has fans of Alien working for them. I wonder if a second smaller dildo comes out of the top. That would be freaky and kind of cool.


After the jump check out the scariest dildo of them all. It is decidedly not safe for work or your orifices.

To end this, I present you with the dildo that will destroy your nightmares. The internet has given me a lot, but somehow this is the most disturbing thing that it has ever cursed me with and for that you get to share the horror.


If you must have one or all of these toys, they're sold at, which just makes me afraid of Engineers and the kind of sex that they're having.