You know those conversations that you have with your friends about sex toys that would be hilarious if they were real? For example, my friend and I have been discussing a Star Wars themed sex toy line for years. Lightsaber vibrators, Darth Vader Dildos, a Han Solo blow up doll for the ladies, Yoda anal beads. You know, normal conversation. Generally, these conversations are jokes (I mean, I think a lightsaber vibrator would sell like crazy, but it's not gonna happen on my dime anytime soon). Point is you don't make them a reality.

You know where this is going. Someone took one of those conversations and made it real. Very real. I present to you Horror themed dildos from a company appropriately called Necronomicox. ...It's disturbing.

First, we take a look at the Lovecraftian collection and what they call the "Mythos Art Dildo." We all know it's Cthulhu. Just admit it.

Cthulu will end your vagina.
  • Cthulhu will end your vagina.

Up next is the lovely "Xenomorph Dildo." You can clearly see that Necronomicox has fans of Alien working for them. I wonder if a second smaller dildo comes out of the top. That would be freaky and kind of cool.

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After the jump check out the scariest dildo of them all. It is decidedly not safe for work or your orifices.

To end this, I present you with the dildo that will destroy your nightmares. The internet has given me a lot, but somehow this is the most disturbing thing that it has ever cursed me with and for that you get to share the horror.

WHAT.THE.FUCK.
  • WHAT.THE.FUCK.

If you must have one or all of these toys, they're sold at kinkengineering.com, which just makes me afraid of Engineers and the kind of sex that they're having.