How many names can you up with for your favorite barista's facial hair? I got three. But that's why I have to write about dive bars on Lombard and not, you know, universally human themes of vengeance and man's place in the natural world and, like, obsession and stuff. According to the blog The Towering Irrelevance, In just two chapters of White Jacket, Herman Melville uses 25 different words to describe beards. Can you do better?

beards
the crop
suburbs of the chin
homeward-bounders
fly-brushes
long, trailing moss hanging from the bough of some aged oak
love-curls
Winnebago locks
carroty bunches
rebellious bristles
redundant mops
yellow bamboos
long whiskers
thrice-noble beards
plantations of hair
whiskerandoes
nodding harvests
viny locks
the fleece
fine tassels
goatees
imperials
sacred things
admiral’s pennant
manhood
muzzle-lashings

(via MobyLives)