ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! Mercury FREE valentine submissions end today at noon! So if you want any chance at all of nabbing some boo-tay on Valentine's Day, this is your last chance! If you submit it by noon, you'll be able to get your FREE valentine printed in the Merc's Reader Valentines Issue on February 10th! Then when your LOVAH reads it, she'll/he'll be all like, "Whoopty-whoop, playa, WHAAAAA?? I knew you loved me before, but this is ridonkulous. LET'S GET SEXIN'!"
But it ain't gonna happen, unless you get crackin'! Deets, please!
HOW TO MAKE SOMEONE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
1) Click this link.
2) Type in the name of your LOVAH. Or LOVAHS.
3) Write the most amazing 150 character love note ever composed by a human. (Including that hack Shakespeare!)
4) If you include your LOVAH's email address, we'll let him/her/it/they know that they're getting a valentine—which will get the person's genital juices flowing waaaay in advance.
5) Include your email for non-evil verification purposes only.
6) Hit SUBMIT! (And then sit back and watch your LOVAH "submit" to your every sexual desire. Okay, that might not happen. But then again... IT MIGHT.)
See? It's that simple! But ya got to move it, move it, because as mentioned earlier, the deadline is TODAY AT NOON. (Need help getting into the mood? How about a little Toni Braxton before she went batpoop crazy? "Love" probably did it.)