Sick of all this inane Oscar buzz and hoity-toity arthouse crap? Holy shit, have I got an antidote for you.
As per usual, studios showcased their upcoming summer blockbusters during yesterday's Super Bowl, participating in a time-honored tradition of frantically cramming kazillions of dollars' worth of overwrought spectacle into epilepsy-inducing, 30-second-long ads. There were spots for Cowboys & Aliens, Fast Five, Battle: Los Angeles, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and Super 8, as well as a few for some kids' movies (Rango, Kung Fu Panda 2) and Marvel's Thor and Captain America.
Though it's not my favorite of these ads—that'd probably go to Super 8 or, god help me for actually typing this, Fast Five—I'm gonna lead with Transformers: Dark of the Moon, because (A) oh, how I love that stupid, stupid title, and (B) I'll be goddamned if Michael Bay's emptily shiny, astoundingly loud aesthetic doesn't mesh perfectly with the whole vibe of the Super Bowl. Plus, no matter how much shit people talk about these movies, I still love watching robots fight. What? That is what makes us human.
Hit the jump for the rest.
ADDENDUM! Rather belatedly—and possibly with regard to Steve's post about Super Bowl ads' subtexts—it just occurred to me that out of these 10 trailers, four of 'em have to do with aliens invading/destroying America. Interpret that as you will.
Cowboys & Aliens: I love this concept, this cast, and this aesthetic. Here's hoping director Jon Favreau manages to convey the film's tone, which is already proving tricky.
Fast Five: Don't ask me to explain, just know that I really want to see this. (I LOVE YOU THE ROCK)
Battle: Los Angeles: Surprise! This film's actually a damning treatise on colonialism!
Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides: You had me at "Jack Sparrow vs. Al Swearingen," Disney. Also, nice work convincing Scrooge McDuck to spring for those extra 30 seconds! That probably only cost that bastard like $14 billion extra.
Super 8: Whoa. When J.J. Abrams said he was basically making a Spielberg movie from the '80s, he wasn't kidding.
Rango: On the upside, at least it's got some unique personality to it. On the downside, eh, whatever.
Kung Fu Panda 2: Admittedly, I am a sucker for a classic jock jam—but I saw the first Kung Fu Panda on an airplane and promptly forgot it existed, and this one looks like more of the same. Which is a bummer, 'cause after How to Train Your Dragon, I'd have loved to see DreamWorks Animation keep kicking some ass.
Thor: Fanboys love this guy; nobody else even knows who he is. We'll see how this works out.
Captain America: Fanboys love this guy; everybody else thinks he's a poster boy for cartoony jingoism and nationalistic naïveté. We'll see how this works out.