I'll be the first to admit that I need all the help I can get when it comes to most things food-related. But the people who packaged this Kroger-brand sliced cheese (above) evidently think I am more of a moron than I actually am. On the flipside of the package are these helpful directions:

I should mention that:

1. I did not remove the cheese from the package (except for the slice I was going to eat).
2. I did not turn the product over. (This is a vague instruction, at best.)
3. I did not remove cheese board. (What cheese board? There's a piece of cardboard inside the package. Is that the cheese board to which you are referring?)
4. I did not gently remove the slice. (Actually, I was very rough!)

I followed exactly ZERO of these instructions, with no ill effects—but I did ENJOY! Thank you, supermarket-cheese directions!