I'm Pretty Sure I Need a "Street Team"


The last time you had a street team, we were picking tape off the concrete much to the chagrin of Rose Festival parade goers.
If they were provided to me, I would wear (in public) a tee-shirt that says "Wm.™" and pants that say "HUMPY!" Then when all the people in the public domain kept asking me about them all interested and curious-like, I would hand them a Mercury and go "Yeah that dude! Check out his shit! ... also look at that event description, I wrote that a month ago." Then I would pimp the Blogtizzle, of course. Then as I walked away from all those people in the public, I would sing a song about you, possibly accompanying myself on the tambourine if I happen to have it around.
I don't clean out garages or stuff (remember how I didn't change your tire?) but I am good at eating pastries.
Sorry, Ginny. The Humpy Street Team has to be able to change tires. I will not be requiring your services.
I want to be on whichever street team uses the most glitter.
I am mildly crushed, Steve. But if you ever need a cookie-eating team, you know who to call.
I get all the cookies, Ginny. You know that. I repeat: YOUR SERVICES ARE NOT REQUIRED.
Can I just be a hype man? I'll totes wander around saying my catch phrase, which for the time being since I haven't had time to think about it at all and decided to just steal one from 'Community' will be "POP POP!"
Steve! I'm just trying to tell you I like-like you and you keep shitting on it! But I'll probably bring you oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies next week anyway.
I would pretend to be a hooker and then when the penises would come out, I would laugh at them and say "HAHAHA! Wm. Steven Humphrey has a better penis than yours, it's on display in the Mercury, check it out." And then I would run away with their money.

...I'm not really sure how this will promote Wm. Steven Humphrey, but at least I will get money out of it.
I can change tires and I won't eat your cookies! Where do I sign up? How much does it pay?
Don't you get it, Freeman? YOU have to pay. WE'RE ALL PAYING, EVERY SINGLE DAY.