As I'm sure you've forgotten, the Academy Awards are this Sunday starting at 5:30 pm. As I'm also sure you've forgotten, there's a little column I write called I Love Television™ that in the current issue spotlights the Oscars and a game for getting completely wasted while watching it. It's called…

Here's a selection:

Whenever anyone at the Oscar party claims that baby movies such as Toy Story 3 deserve anything other than adult scorn, hit them in the face with a soaking, gravy-filled diaper and yell, "HERE'S YOUR DIAPER, DIAPER BABY!" Then insert two syringes of heroin.

For further rules and regulations, see this week's I Love Television™. And just in case you need it, here's the number for summoning the CHIERS van.