This week's Film section is full of hate. We didn't plan for this to happen, it just sorta... did. Sometimes movies are crappy! Sometimes we're jerks!
FOR EXAMPLE: Here's what the normally sweetly demure Marjorie Skinner wrote about The Other Woman:
One of the fundamental flaws in The Other Woman—a 2009 film that's been dusted off in the wake of Natalie Portman's Oscar grab—is that its protagonist is awful. Not in an entertaining or clever way, just in a boring, spoiled, whiny way. It may, in fact, take the entire first quarter of the film's runtime for the depth of that insult to set in: director Don Roos thinks giving a shit about this person is worthy of your time and attention. He's totally serious about that one, and he can go fuck himself for it.
OR: The usually generous and forgiving Courtney Ferguson described Red Riding Hood thusly:
[a] flaming pile of wolf shit
OR: Even Zac "Happy-Go-Lucky!" Pennington took some swings at the motion-capture children's film Mars Needs Moms, closing out his review with this venomous little jab:
Thank god we've got Robert Zemeckis to comfortably usher us into dystopian cartoon slavery.
I guess the nicest piece in this week's section is my review of Battle: Los Angeles, which isn't even a glowing review or anything, but just admits that it had some cool stuff in it:
While alien armadas aren't anything new to anyone who's ever seen a movie, something that's seen a lot less is an America at war—an America with smoke-clogged streets, burned-out cars, and rocket-split buildings. In Battle: Los Angeles, there's little doubt which force has the superior military; the resulting damage to our world is strangely tangible and jarring to behold.
Good thing I (kinda, vaguely) liked the movie, as Roger Ebert laid the fuck into it. (Is it just me, or between this and his review of Kick-Ass, is anyone else starting to pick up on kind of an Andy Rooney vibe?)
Battle: Los Angeles is noisy, violent, ugly and stupid. Its manufacture is a reflection of appalling cynicism on the part of its makers, who don't even try to make it more than senseless chaos. Here's a science-fiction film that's an insult to the words "science" and "fiction," and the hyphen in between them.
Oof. And with that, your string of vicious movie reviews is complete! Sorry for the downer week, folks. Maybe next week's movies won't suck as hard.