Coming soon to a beach near (at least a couple of hours' drive from) you: Debris and flotsam from last month's tsunami in Japan could be sloshing onto the West Coast in a year or two. Also still spilling into the ocean: Radioactive water.

A peace plan has surfaced in Libya, reportedly floated by one of Moammar Gaddafi's sons. Under the plan, Qaddafi's son would take over, but promise (with no fingers crossed!) to run things democratically. Outside the hushed corridors of diplomacy, battles raged, and rebel leaders told the media they want democracy, too.

Protests over a Quran bonfire led by a Florida "pastor" erupted again in American-occupied Afghanistan. A court trial over civilian killings and photos of U.S. soldiers posing with Afghan corpses officially aren't helping.

In Pakistan, a suicide attack on a shrine sacred to Sufi Muslims, during an annual festival, has left as many as 41 people dead.

The Grand Ol' Party want some more skin from sick olds (Medicare) and sick poors (Medicaid). A righteous standoff over the current federal budget is nowhere near over, but now Republicans want $4 trillion in cuts from next year's spending plan.

Southwest has canceled 300 flights,
and it's inspecting 79 of its planes, after A HOLE RIPPED OPEN MID-FLIGHT in the fuselage of a 737 headed for Sacramento on Friday. No one died, but a flight attendant and a passenger were injured.

They survived Japan's brutal occupation of China, and then the Cultural Revolution. And now it's going to end like this: A 92-year-old woman, suffering from dementia, became the oldest woman ever tried for murder in Australia after stabbing her 98-year-old husband.

Donald Trump says stupid things, and then—magic!—lots of stupid people watch his shows. Is he really running for Barack Obama's job? Or maybe just Glenn Beck's?

Opening of night of Charlie Sheen's awkward, ill-advised live show goes something like this: He comes out 45 minutes late, looking terrible; he bellows for a spell like a sideshow spectacle; "fans" demand stories about crack and hookers; the lights come on early; people start to boo; his handlers count their haul.

So, yeah. Awful. Not that you could tell by listening to this chucklefuck, practically shitting his pants in glee.