People of planet Earth! Behold! Kyrgyzstan has finally figured out how to banish political dysfunction. In a ceremony inside parliament, attended by nearly every member, deputies offered prayer and sacrificed seven sheep—all to ward away the demons that keep getting in the way of the people's business.

The Libyan stalemate continues. The United States isn't foisting military advisers on the country's ragtag rebels, but it is sending in tents, sleeping bags, uniforms and other "non-lethal" equipment. Refugees are fleeing across the country's western border. And the conflict has claimed an Oscar-nominated documentarian and a Pulitzer-finalist wire service photographer.

It wasn't a healthy place to spend time anyway, but as of RIGHT NOW the heavily radiated 12-mile zone outside Japan's crippled Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant is officially, legally, etc., off limits. Residents raced to their homes to collect as many belongings as they could before the ban took effect.

Canada's new Pirate Party is for real, and it's running a handful of candidates. Ahoy.

Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg, according to amused media reports, had to dress up yesterday. Somebody else really famous and important was there to say things to people, so he had to.

Just when you thought it was safe again to fly, more terrible tales of sleeping air traffic controllers!

Happy anniversary, Columbine! Twelve years later, propane tanks and a pipe bomb turn up at a mall in Littleton, Colo.

Thrown pantsless into a Portland squad car six years ago, a woman asked for something from her house to cover herself, but was refused. Yesterday, she testified in court against two officers, pressing her claim for $750,000 in damages.

Mayor Sam Adams finally drops his vision for the JTTF, and the feds don't much like it, and neither do some of the commissioners who backed an earlier version. Randy Leonard didn't like that earlier version, as I reported, but now he likes the new version. And there's a hearing next week.

Discerning cinephiles in Hong Kong have crowned a new one-day box-office champ, shunting aside Avatar. It's the world's FIRST-EVER 3D PORNO, aka "3-D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy."

Cyclist Struck on Marine Drive: Police responded to a call at 6:30 this morning at 122nd and Marine Drive that a person on a bike had been left-hooked by 21-year-old driver Robert Babb. The cyclist is in the hospital with "non-life threatening injuries" and Babb was ticketed for Dangerous Left Turn and Driving Uninsured.

THE NBA PLAYOFFS! The Blazers come home, down 2-0 but looking to make a series of it against the Dallas Mavericks, and our very own Ezra Ace Caraeff will be blogging the shit out of tonight's action. Tip-off is 7:30. Here's to hope?