• With his finger on the pulse of elementary-school pop culture, Wm. Steven Humphrey whined about a drawing of his beloved cartoons The Avengers. As I am neither an infant nor a nerd, I did not read this post.
• Tony Perez celebrated the birthday of bourbon. Let us pray that next week, Mr. Perez will deign to share his shoddily written exposé regarding Zima's Bat Mitzvah.
• Marjorie Skinner wrote a blowjob of a review about some local film. Yes, yes, Ms. Skinner: We're all very impressed you saw a film that was in black and white.
• Surprising no one, Ezra "Ace" Caraeff declared that a photograph featuring a baby boomer blowhard in conversation with a drug-addled pederast was his "favorite photo ever."
• Alison Hallett lobbed a final insult to Emily Harris—the former host of Think Out Loud, OPB's daily reminder of Oregonians' intellectual mediocrity. Ms. Hallett—who previously invented a Think Out Loud drinking game—described Ms. Harris' journalistic persona as "frustrating" and "unintentionally hilarious." Glass houses, Ms. Hallett. Glass houses.
• The quite possibly mentally retarded Ned Lannamann—a writer tasked with writing about contemporary music in Portland, Oregon—wrote about a Genesis cover band playing in Tacoma, Washington.
• Courtney Ferguson thought Blogtown readers needed to know that a doddering director who hasn't been interesting since 1991 is opening a night club in Paris. Congratulations, Ms. Ferguson! You just out-Lannamanned Ned Lannamann for the "Least Relevant Post on Blogtown" award. You win shame.
• Erik Henriksen rambled interminably about "Arkngthand, Norway's hottest Game of Thrones metal band." We have had this discussion several times before, Mr. Henriksen, so let us keep it brief: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. STOP WASTING EVERYONE'S GODDAMN TIME.
• Denis C. Theriault wrote about a controversial proposal that would allow drivers to immediately identify yuppie shitstains. I am in favor of it.
I will return next week, and not one moment before. I urge you to do the same.