Here's Anderson Cooper spazzing out about how 51-year-old Eugene Victor Tooms* married that 16-year-old Real Childwife of Ocean Shores. This was already my favorite news story of the week, and that was before I saw her YouTube clips. They're rill, rill, rill good, you guys:
*To everybody who "doesn't know who that guy is," I ask, WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING DURING THE ENTIRE '90S!?!? READING!? If you need me I'll be down here in my papier-mache saliva nest under the escalator eating your mom.