Hey, patriots! You've earned it! Take a trip inside the mind of terrorism mastermind Osama bin Laden! Savor his private fears about drone strikes! Read his banal concerns about banal things like money! See him attempt to cajole more focus and perseverance among his frightened, wayward inferiors! Dance on his gra... oh, wait ... there isn't one. Whoops.

About those drone strikes.
Turns out we've dialed them down in Pakistan, bowing to complaints from the sovereign government there. But at the same time, we've started them up in Somalia. But, hey, there's always torture!

Oh, and over in Afghanistan?
Buried bombs, planted by the insurgents and militants and Islamists we've still got tens of thousands of soldiers hunting down, are increasingly taking a toll on Afghan civilians.

This time, 300,000 Syrians
gather in the city of Hama to protest the authoritarian regime of Bashar al-Assad. And finally, in response, the Syrian government has announced a personnel change: It's fired the regional governor—either in a desperate bid to appease protesters by getting rid of a bad guy, or because the governor was starting to get soft on ordering protesters gunned down. You choose!

That other reputed no-goodnik, Moammar Qaddafi, his country shredded by civil war and NATO bombardments, got on speaker phone for 100,000 of his fans and promised to target "homes, offices and families" in Europe for reprisal attacks.

"Don’t worry, this guy has a lot of money. I know what I’m doing." This statement, uttered in a call back to her home country, was among the most troubling revelations about the woman who lobbed rape accusations against the French socialist who used to lead the International Monetary Fund. This case appears to be extreme, but an accuser's credibility, as always, hangs heaviest over sex-abuse trials.

A Kennedy heiress and an actor-turned-politician
are divorcing. Their attorneys will soon divvy up obscene amounts of money. They will both continue to be fantastically rich. You will continue to be painfully, shamefully poor.

Get your finger out of that pi!

In honor of our own insurgents/terrorists/rebels/freedom fighters/revolutionaries all them years ago, here's a scurrilous little screed against the monarchy we overthrew.

HEY, AMERICA!
DO YOU STILL REMEMBER JOHNNY HORTON? BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU REMEMBERED HIM SEVERAL DECADES AGO. BUT NOW, SOMEHOW, I SUSPECT YOU'VE FORGOTTEN. FOR SHAME. SHAME!