Oh, thank christ—I was hoping someone would do this.
If you, like me, are giddily awaiting A Dance with Dragons, George R.R. Martin's long-awaited fifth book in the A Song of Ice and Fire series (which everyone just refers to by the significantly less embarrassing title A Game of Thrones), you no doubt know that it's finally coming out next week. Also if you are like me, it's been forever since you read the fourth book, and your memory's for shit, and also you thought the fourth book was kind of boring and only about the lame characters, so you didn't bother remembering a lot of the boring stuff that happened to all the lame people in it.
So let's thank Tor.com for doing this:
It’s been over five years since we’ve visited Westeros and the lands beyond, and longer still since we’ve checked in with other characters that promise an appearance in A Dance With Dragons. One would need to reread the series just to remember what all the characters are up to!
For some, there’s not enough time to accomplish that, so we’ve put together a handy refresher as to where all the major characters are as of the end of A Feast For Crows!
If you haven't finished A Feast for Crows yet, you're obviously going to want to stay far, far away from this spoiler-filled refresher—but for the rest of us, it's here.
I'd also recommend the pretty impressive Game of Thrones Companion app, which costs two bucks but provides a thorough, slick, and searchable database of all of A Game of Thrones' 479 trillion characters, locations, religions, histories, legends, and customs, as well as all of those characters' secret dreams, darkest desires, and most damning regrets, as well as their sprawling genealogies, unique mole patterns, boiled-leather accoutrements, precise pocket change, and whatever other infinitesimally small details Martin has seen fit to include and GOD THESE BOOKS, am I right? Plus, you can tell the app where you are in the books so it doesn't spoil anything you don't want spoiled. The app's handy to have on-hand while reading the books, too, just in case you don't want to flip through 4,000 pages in order to remember whatever the hell a Knight of Onions* or whatever is.
Where was I? Oh, right. Thanks, Tor.com! You just saved me from a couple months' worth of re-reading, not to mention at least two or three Sansa-related migraines.
*AN ACTUAL CHARACTER.