It's 7/11/11, which means 7-Eleven is going bugnuts fuckcrazy and giving away free Slurpees to anyone who wants 'em! Even you? Even you.

7-Eleven's press release (thanks for sending this to me, EVERYONE I HAVE EVER KNOWN) starts off all normal: "To commemorate 7-Eleven, Inc.’s 84th birthday on July 11th, aka 7-Eleven Day, participating 7-Eleven® stores throughout Oregon will celebrate by giving customers a free 7.11-oz size Slurpee® beverage" kicks things off under a classy, understated headline ("**MEDIA ALERT** 7-Eleven® Stores Celebrate Their only 7-11-11 Birthday this Century with Free Slurpee® Drinks"). But then things get weird:

The frozen, carbonated beverage was first invented in 1959 by a Kansas hamburger stand owner. Using an automobile air conditioner, he created a sophisticated piece of equipment that would freeze a carbonated soft drink and serve it in a sherbet-like form that could be sipped through a straw.

Well... that doesn't seem safe. Like, at all.

Anyway, don't care. See you at the Slurpee machine, Slurpee pals! I'm aiming for my blood to 90 percent high-fructose corn syrup by the time I get to go on a bike ride tonight.