GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Don't fight that good shit in your ear, now let me blow your mind. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

As Sarah reported verrrrrrrry early this morning, Oregon Congressman David Wu—accused of shenanigans with a young lady—is NOT resigning, but will also NOT be running for reelection.

The Norwegian dick responsible for those gruesome attacks in Oslo on Friday has confessed—but also hints that he did not act alone.

In what I suppose could be considered somewhat good news, the Norwegian police have downgraded the number of deaths from Friday's youth camp massacre from 86 to 68.

More trouble ahead for poor multibillionaire media mogul Rupert Murdoch who will have to withstand even more grilling this Thursday from the board of his British Sky Broadcasting.

Not that I give two shits, but a deal has been reached that could end the NFL lockout. The particulars of that deal? Don't know, because I didn't read it, because as mentioned earlier, I don't give two shits.

Speaking of deals, here's the update on the government's debt reduction talks: Bzzzzzzzz... if you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.

As I mentioned the other day, singer Amy Winehouse was found dead in her home over the weekend; the autopsy is scheduled for today.

In sports, the Timbers break their one-game winning streak, falling on Saturday to Columbus. Here are the not exactly fun details from Blogtown Footy Correspondent Brian Gjurgevich.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Kinda cloudy, drizzles now and then, but starting Wednesday the week gets sweet.

And finally, a HAPPY 42ND BIRTHDAY to Jennifer "J.LO" Lopez. Here's the best thing she's ever done. Ha-ha-HAWT!