According to a just released bulletin from the Portland Police Bureau, early this morning a fight erupted outside downtown strip joint Spyce Gentleman's Club (SHOCK). When officers arrived at the scene, no one there could or would supply any information about the assailants—then this happened.

At 3:18 a.m., Portland Police officers assigned to East Precinct responded to Portland Adventist Medical Center on the report of a walk-in stabbing victim. Officers contacted 32-year-old Pui Ho of Northeast Portland, who told officers he was stabbed while trying to break up a fight in front of Spyce Gentlemen's Club a few hours earlier. Ho didn't realize he was stabbed until his friend noticed that he was bleeding from the right side of his torso and lower back.

LIKE A BOSS! Anyway, police continued their investigation, yielding the following:

21-year-old James Lee Moultrie has been charged with Assault in the First Degree and Assault in the Second Degree in connection with the stabbing of Mr. Ho. Moultrie was booked into the Multnomah County Jail and will be arraigned on Wednesday August 3, 2011.

Note to world: Next time you want to stab Pui Ho? THINK TWICE! Note to Spyce Gentleman's Club: Your name is a misnomer.