GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I was chillin' with my Kool-Aid, did not want to participate, in no silly conversations, ain't no time for new relation...ships. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Ignoring the pleas of activists and humanitarians, the Syrian army is rolling through the city of Hama in what will probably be a successful attempt to crush any opposition to President Bashar al-Assad.

And you know that debt deal the GOP and Dems have been kicking and screaming over? After all that cutting, we'll be in the same shithouse again within ten years.

And surprise! Despite all the wheeling, dealing and theatrics, stocks continue to fall.

Meanwhile, while the government was dicking around with their baby games regarding the debt crisis, nothing's been done about the financial crisis with the FAA, leaving a whopping 4,000 out of work, and forcing safety inspectors to work without pay. NICE MOVES, IRONSIDE.

Former Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarek was rolled into the courtroom today to face charges of corruption and complicity in killing protesters. (Of course he says he's innocent.)

ABC News is reporting they've found a woman who claims to be the niece of robber/hijacker D.B. Cooper. They are still searching for someone who gives two shits about this boring story.

Cybercriminals have been hacking and stealing troves of information from various government agencies, corporations, and nonprofits for at least five years. Somebody call the Cyber Justice League!

Pat Buchanan sort of, kind of, not really apologizes for slinging a racial slur at Obama.

Today in "Yay? I guess?": Ukraine's Environment Minister has vowed to free all bears kept in restaurants and forced to drink vodka.

Now for sports! And let's go over to "Blogtown Timbers Footy Ball Correspondent" Brian Gjurgevich!

Thanks, Steve! You know, you can't blame the Timbers for feeling a bit like the sky is falling: Portland hasn't won a home match since May 21 and the expansion club that looked so promising early has nearly played itself out of the playoff hunt with seven losses and just one win in their last 10 Major League Soccer matches. And things are hardly looking up tonight as Portland welcomes the league-leading LA Galaxy to town and MLS' biggest stars descend upon the House of Pane: Featuring all-world midfielder David Beckham, U.S. Soccer icon Landon Donovan and always-dangerous striker Juan Pablo Angel, LA is unbeaten (8-0-6) in 14 matches and likely won't take any pity on the Rose City. The match is set for 7:30 p.m. and will be broadcast nationally on ESPN2 and locally on 750 AM. Check back later tonight for some high-pitched live-blog action! Back to you, Steve!

Thank YOU, Brian! And now let's see what's happening in your neck of the woods: Sunny and 80, sunny and 80, sunny and 80 from here to eternity! YESSSSSSS.

And finally, let's go to reporter Joe Delaney with our news partner Action 6 News, broadcasting live from the gun range! Joe?