The above quotes are from celebu-chef Alton Brown. What is he describing? A crack house? An Olive Garden?
Nope. He's talking about Twitter. It seems that someone created a fake Twitter account under Brown's wife's name. (The account has been since been deleted.) When he discovered this, Brown went on an epic tirade—along with the above insults, he also called the fake-wife-Twitterer a "sad, sick, twisted piece of trash"—and said goodbye to Twitter, seemingly forever.
Eater explains Brown's rocky relationship with Twitter and quotes Brown as saying, "The way I see it, Twitter is like a big cocktail party. If I was at a cocktail party and someone puked on my wife’s shoes, odds are excellent that we’d leave." Can't argue with that logic.