Hot tipper Graham alerts us to Mayor Sam Adams' new proposed curbside composting plan.

Portland Mayor Sam Adams today proposed the addition of curbside food scrap composting for Portlanders today following a successful, year-long pilot program. The proposal will go to Portland City Council for a first reading next week and vote Wednesday, August 17.

“Portlanders want curbside composting and the City of Portland is ready to deliver. Each year, thousands of pounds of food scraps needlessly go to landfills when they could be turned into nutrient-rich compost. The 2,000-household pilot was an overwhelming success, and it’s time to take action and bring this easy, common sense composting solution to everyone,” Mayor Sam Adams said.

Okay, so that's what Sam said. Now it's time for YOU to guess how the Oregonian and WW will try to spin this into another one of the Mayor's evil schemes by writing the opening paragraph for their upcoming stories. (And don't forget to add a labored metaphor at the end!) I'll start!

Today un-convicted sex offender and QUITTER Mayor Sam Adams, in another sad attempt to distract citizens from his sex scandal with a teenage intern that crippled his tenure as mayor and made Portland the laughing stock of the world, announced another in a long line of unsuccessful Socialist ideas: curbside composting. He will introduce the proposal to disinterested and embarrassed council members this week—but while Portlanders may one day be scraping half-eaten mashed potatoes off their plates and onto the curb, the mayor will NEVER be able to scrape away the encrusted gravy of shame from the plate that is Portland.

Actually, that's not half bad. Your turn!