[Editor's Note: Welcome to Blogtown's newest series, "What's Your Story?" wherein reporter Alec Quig interviews and photographs people on the street who are just like (or maybe nothing like) you. You'll find "What's Your Story?" right here every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday afternoon for the next three months. Oh, and look for the following interview and more in this week's print edition of the Mercury. Thank you, citizens of Blogtown.]
2 Age: 31
3 Hood: SE
4 Occupation: Two jobs: tropical fish and retail.
5 Hometown: Cheboygan, MI. It’s beautiful, but the people there suck. Most people I know from Northern Michigan are extremely rude and stuck up. Everywhere we go, if we’re from Michigan, people are like, “Oh, really? You’re a good worker.” It’s automatic. It’s fucking—and excuse my language—I think they’re the rudest, most arrogant motherfuckers who have ever lived.
Continued after the jump.
6 Favorite place to eat in PDX: This little taco cart down the road. Michoacan.
7 Favorite place to drink in PDX: Tom’s! I love my bartenders, man. I have over seven years bartending experience, so if I don’t like my bartenders, I will not go there. I’ve been to a million goddamn bars in this city. Tom’s? Day and night.
8 How fashionable are you on a scale of 1-10? As in, what’s up to date? What’s fashionable? Isn’t that based in how you feel comfortable? “Fashion,” quote unquote, to me, is all these people wearing weird gear, weird hats, and all these things they’re trying to make popular. Then you have people who wear what’s comfortable, what makes them happy. I think happy is fashionable.
9 Pet peeve: Messiness, rudeness, arrogance, disrespect. You respect me, I’ll respect you, and if you disrespect me, I don’t care, I’ll disrespect you back. I don’t care if you’re the Pope, Santa Claus, or freaking Jesus. I’m the most moralistic…my parents raised me very well. I have extremely high morals, high respect.
10 Guilty pleasure: Muscle. Not a lot, but tone-ness. And I like tummies. Muscle, tummies, and tacos.
11 If you had a genie and one wish, what would it be? I would ask for no more child abuse.
12 Do you have a cultural recommendation for our readers? Seeing through a blind man’s eyes. Hear through a deaf man’s ears. Live life like a dying man would.
13 Were you cool in school? No.
14 If you had a time machine, where would you go? Nowhere!
15 Favorite thing about the opposite sex? They can lift heavy shit!
16 Least favorite thing about the opposite sex? Penis. They just weird me out. They just kinda hang there. Most guys are not very hygenic.
17 What should every member of the opposite sex know that they never seem to? Compassion and less male arrogance.
18 What is your dream? To be happy. Even though I am happy, that’s my dream.
19 What is your best Portland story? Negative or positive? Both. At 6 am I was downtown. This happens a lot—I attract a lot of crazy people—people crazier than I am, which is hard to come by! The crazier they are, the more I attract them. Anyway, I’m going to work, minding my own business. And I come out of the store, cigarettes in one hand, coffee in the other, and this chick looks at me and starts calling me satan! She really thinks I’m the goddamn devil. What does she look like? This crazy little old black woman, I don’t know. That was a negative one. So, for the positive one, my wife and I just moved here, and we meet this kid. Cute as hell. He looks like a goddamn fucking goldmine to me. I’m sorry, I can sell you your own shirt for five dollars more than you paid for it, with the button missing, off your own back. I can sell you the piece of paper you’re writing on. I felt like I could make a mint off him. But I’m married. The wife didn’t want me to be a pimp. But he wanted me to sell him! He was fucking cute! I coulda made a fortune off this kid! That’s probably one of the best positive Portland stories I have. How old? I dunno, he looked like maybe 24 or 25.
20 Anything you’d like to hype or promote? Let’s use Portland as a promotion. It has something for everybody. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you believe in, what you think, what you do, it doesn’t matter. I’ve lived in almost every state in the US, I’ve lived in Germany, I’ve lived everywhere, and Portland is the friendliest city I’ve ever been to, and I absolutely love it. I don’t ever go back to anywhere, but I came back here. I think it’s the most homeless-friendly city that ever was, is, or could be, and if you have the goddamn vocals to talk, you have the help—anything and everything you need. Portland can give you your poetry, your drinking, your stripclubs—god knows, it’s the highest per capita in the whole United States. All you have to do is open your mouth. Open your mouth and it will happen. Portland will help you. I’ve never experienced such…individualism. You have it all here. Diversity is the main thing of life. Here is my promotion: live life like a blind man. If you don’t look with your eyes, and you only look with your heart, Portland has everything you need. Period. This is Michelle speaking. Have a great night.