Straight up, I'm a big fan of the ladies. They smell nice, have pretty hair and rarely suggest "swordfights" as a way to pass time at the urinals. If I wasn't already a heterosexual dude, I'd become a lesbian.

Of course, there are always exceptions to these sorts of generalizations. For instance, I'm not a fan of women who turn into horrific nightmare creatures and try to kill me with the physical incarnations of my deep-seated neuroses. That's just no way to structure a relationship.

Likewise, ladies, if I can offer you some advice: the worst way to convince a man to marry you is to chase him up a tower full of exploding blocks, spike traps and jerkass bipedal sheep.

(I think I read that in a Dan Savage column one time.)

Anyway, The Mercury's review of Catherine is now live (and in the latest dead tree edition of the paper), so please, indulge your curiosity as to how the above could possibly tie in to an Xbox 360/PlayStation 3 adventure puzzle platformer. Bizarrely, it makes a lot more sense than you'd expect.