Okay, fine, it shows three things:

• Some woods

• Jennifer Lawrence in some woods

• Some woods on fire

• And I guess they did a pretty snazzy job animating that logo

I don't mean to be a killjoy—promise!—but when the most interesting part of your highly anticipated, heavily hyped teaser is Rue's mockingjay call (which, should you want to spend one minute downloading a six-second-long audio snippet, is, bewilderingly, available on iTunes), maybe that's not the best sign. And don't even get me started on how we didn't get even a single frame of those sexily posed "men of the Hunger Games"! C'mon, Lionsgate! What do you think I'm seeing this movie for? Katniss? Pfft.