Be sure to pay your daily visit to the I, Anonymous Blog where today you will read the following half-hearted apology to actor Fred Armisen. FRED ARMISEN?!? HE'S THAT GUY THAT STARS IN PORTLANDIA!! "Put a bird on it," amirite? HIGH FIVE!! Okay, shutting up now.

When you were walking out of the Portland Poetry Slam I assumed you were coming back. I assumed I would be able to follow up my witty comment regarding your performance. Alas, the retort expired as swiftly as the wit; neither were meant to be. Contrary to my actions, I am not a walking dildo. I should have said something nice.

Read the rest of this actually kind of awkward missive here, and if YOU happen to have any celebrity apologies you'd like to make, submit them right here at the somewhat newish I, Anonymous Blog: "Where the dream of the '90s is alive."