Air Ball: Hours after Blazers fans hear that Brandon Roy is calling it quits, Greg Oden announces that "medical setbacks" may threaten his play this season.
Election Uproar: A crowd of around 40,000 protesters rally against Vladmir Putin's reelection in Moscow, claiming that the election was rigged.
Ticked Off Trump: Insulted by Michele Bachmann's refusal to participate in the GOP debate, debate moderator Donald Trump says he may back out of his role.
Upsetting News of the Day: Police kill a gunman who took to the streets in Hollywood, randomly shooting at cars.
Ducking In: Following the ousting of University of Oregon President Richard Lariviere, university system veteran Robert Berdahl takes the (interim) plate.
How Does This Happen?: Norway faces a butter drought due to a recent diet fab highlighting fatty foods (over carbs). CHRISTMAS RUINED.
Plastic Bag Bored of the News: This is how I plan to end all of my future articles. Blah blah blah...PLASTIC BAG.