If you're a self-respecting individual, you refused to see 2009's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. This is because G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was unrelentingly stupid, even by the standards of other big-budget Hasbro toy commercials like Transformers and Battleship. Its main draw was that it featured a hilariously miscast Joseph Gordon-Levitt in the most humiliating role of his career. Poor Jogo.

HOWEVER. Even if you didn't, enough people saw G.I. Joe to justify a sequel, which means BAM, here's G.I. Joe: Retaliation, which, from the looks of this trailer, replaces everything about the first movie with one electrifying man:


Wait. Hold on. Goddammit—


Yeah, that guy! God I love the Rock. So much. ANYWAY. G.I. Joe: Retaliation looks as srs bsns as a movie can possibly be when it's inspired by little plastic dolls. So the moral of the day—which, if you're a self-respecting individual, you already knew—is that the Rock makes everything better.

Oooooh shiiiit, cholesterollllll

Thanks to my fellow Rock superfan Mike Russell for the heads up.