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All aboard!

That's right, it's the R. Kelly cruise. From the McRib-lovin' mind that brought you "Bump n' Grind," Trapped in the Closet, and urinating on underage girls, Carnival is proud to present the Love Letter Cruise, embarking next October for a five day excursion through the Bahamas. If we needed any furthur proof that Kelly is the voice of our generation, this is it.

It isn't cheap (tickets start at $1500), but the cruise features a wealth of entertainment, including a fashion show and modeling contest, mock game show, waterslide fun, and even a wellness seminar! Sounds like a great time to be had by all—let's just hope they chlorinate the fuck out of that pool (because of, you know... the pee).

End Hits: Ridin' that Soula Coaster.