GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I gotta testify, come up in the spot lookin' extra fly. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il, the reclusive communist dictator who inspired this, is dead of a heart attack at age 69, putting South Korea on high military alert.

This of course puts heir Kim Jong Un in charge, who seems to be a total mystery. (Umm... let's put the U.S. on high military alert, too. Just in case.)

And as the last American troops exit Iraq, former President Bush can NOW say "mission accomplished." Though that's not right either, is it?

House Speaker John Boehner announced today that he expects the House of Reps. to reject the Senate's two-month extension of the payroll tax cut. Because (as a reminder) the GOP hates you.

Get ready to pick your jaw up off the floor... Ron Paul is leading the GOP pack in Iowa.

Also in lowa, Michele Bachmann pretends that gays don't really exist. Umm... Michele? Your husband is standing right there.

Despite being leaked on the internet, and that the pictures are gross and unsexy, Lindsay Lohan's Playboy issue is breaking sales records.

Former Rep. David Wu is still showing up in the halls of Congress (kind of like that guy who already graduated but still comes back to watch band practice).

Paul McCartney is releasing yet ANOTHER album? UGHHHHHH!!! Can't he become the dictator of North Korea, or something?

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Cloudy and mid-40s all week long!

And finally, three minutes of North Koreans weeping hysterically over Kim Jong-il's death. Hey, guy at 1:15! For the love of god, pull yourself together, man!