So every day this week, I'll be bringing you a pathetically useless Blogtown post from 2011. Should you insist on continuing to visit Blogtown during a week when most people are either on vacation or leading lives worth living, you deserve to be reminded that you are an imbecile for continuing to encourage these syphilis-slathered turds. —Frank Cassano
THE WORST BLOGTOWN POST OF 2011: "Today in Unnecessary and Vaguely Insulting Instructions" (Tuesday February 22, 2011 at 2:13 pm)
This was a post in which Ned Lannamann described, in excruciating detail, how he opened a package of cheese. I do not exaggerate when I note that it is the stupidest goddamn thing on the internet.
Mr. Lannamann's "post" is, essentially, a transcription of a "stand-up comedy bit" he might perform at an establishment going by the name of "Chuckle's Comedy Club." "So how about that packaged cheese, folks, am I right?" Mr. Lannamann would mumble, nervously sweating, his voice cracking with desperation. "Cheese! Am I... am I... right. Folks." The difference between Chuckle's and the internet, however, is that on the internet, is is impossible to throw anything—a tomato, a chair, a cleaver—at Mr. Lannamann in order to shut him up.
Hope you've enjoyed Blogtown this year, dipshits. It's page views like yours that allow Mr. Lannamann to continue writing about opening packages of cheese. All of you are imbeciles, and I wish you nothing but the misery you deserve in 2012.