If you haven't read today's Savage Love Letter of the Day, I urge you to do so immediately—especially if you feel like becoming ENRAGED WITH ENVY. Nutshell: Two wildly sexy people (photo attached, OMG) are complaining because the equally sexy girl they want to have a threesome with is engaged.

#SexyWhitePeopleProblems

Anyway, I would happily murder every kitten in the world to boink these two, and it's incredibly frustrating to know that a) they'd never boink me in a billion years, and 2) even if they did want to boink me, they'd ultimately say "no thanks" at the last minute because I murdered all those kittens.

Seriously, READ THIS THING. It will simultaneously make you horny and lose all will to live.