Everyone loves to hear people's juicy, terrible bad dating stories, right? And, after last week's anti-abortion debacle, everyone's looking to throw a few dimes Planned Parenthood's way, right?
Well! This Wednesday night, a bunch of great Portlanders will be telling their worst ever dating stories as a fundraiser for the Planned Parenthood Advocates of Oregon, It's Not Me, It's You: Tales from the Dark Side of Dating. Arts Editor Alison Hallett and I will be doing a one-upmanship lightning round of two-sentence terrible date stories, since apparently we have a lot.
Tickets are $20 and to encourage you to snap one up, here are quick snippets from each of the storyteller's excellent tales of woe:
• Author and Blogger Sarah Wexler says: “He wrote a book about ‘panty-dropping recipes.’”
• Seth Walker will tell the true story of how an elaborate teenage lie in 1990 failed in spectacular fashion. His story features a double-wide trailer full of screeching birds, a polyester suit, and a bathtub.
• Writer and musician Christine McKinley says, “While I was getting fingerprinted in a sweatsuit provided by the county, the guy in Isolation Cell 3 gave me one of those ‘How you doing?’ nods through the safety glass and I smiled back. I was getting right back out there and meeting new people. Good for me!”
• Live Wire poet Scott Poole says, “One night, in bed, she asked me, ‘How do you want to be buried?’”
• Political activist and ASL interpreter CM Hall says, “I had moved to Portland to be out, to be queer, to be a small gay fish in a big lesbionic pond. Little did I know that I was swimming alongside my sister in the same kiddie pool.”
• Internationally famous and talented podcaster Fatboy Roberts ends his story, "She hugged me to make me feel better, but she farted on me when I squeezed her."
• I'll be telling the stories full of red flags, including the boyfriend who wrote a play about our relationship in which we were both monkeys trapped in cages in a dystopian future, throwing feces at each other.
• Only one of Alison's stories involves her cat.