Some people will spend tonight with their loved ones, or their liked ones, or their masturbational implement of choice, truly enjoying the purity of emotion that can only be engendered by a completely manufactured holiday. Normally, I would spend this night with my wife, eating chinese food and watching an appropriate movie, as we've done for previous Valentine's Days. Movies such as Freddy vs. Jason, and Slither.

But tonight, my Valentine is not my wife. My Valentine is this dude:

JohnWall.jpg
  • NY Daily News

This is John Wall. He plays for the Washington Wizards. The Wizards (6-22) fucking suck, so there'll be some similarity to previous Valentine's Days, in that I'll be watching an ugly horrorshow unfold as I scoop food into my face.

(seriously, this is the most impressive thing that's happened to anyone associated with the Washington Wizards in the last five years)

If you and your loved one, or your liked one, or your masturbational implement of choice, would like to spend Valentine's Day with me, and John Wall, and about 20,000 other Blazers fans, feel free to check back here tonight around 7pm when Hot Live Blog Action will commence.