The eagerly awaited second installment of Hecklevision—featuring Commando!—is coming up this Saturday, February 25, at 7:30 pm at the Hollywood Theatre, and I've got a pair of tickets to give away. That means somewhere... somehow... someone isn't going to pay!

(To get into Hecklevision, I mean. The dudes who kidnapped Alyssa Milano, the light of Schwarzenegger's life? Those dudes are totally going to pay. With their lives.)

Here's how to try to win those tickets: Email me no later than 4 pm PST today (Tuesday, February 21), and make sure your subject line is "I lied." You then have 50 words to convince me that your texts during Hecklevision will be funny. If your 50 words are the ones that win me over, I'll email you back around 4 or 4:30 and tell you how to get your tickets. So yeah, that's it. GO.