My girlfriend just broke up with me. She gave me lots of reasons, some trivial (I don't keep my house clean enough, I don't like running around in the woods as much as she does), some odd (she doesn't like that I change my behavior to conform to her expectations, but don't have anything to ask of her - it's "unfair"), and some downright bizarre (I'm looking for work, she breaks up with me so I can look for work that might require me to relocate).
Here's what I think: we were just getting to the point in the relationship where you start trying to fit the other person into your vision of the future. And I think she did that, and realized that one of two things were going to happen: either she was going to have to compromise what she wanted out of her life (at least by delaying her plans), or she was going to have to impose on me. And she didn't like either option, so she decided that the only third way was to end the relationship.
I'm not convinced. We're going to meet up in the next few days to discuss whether there's any possibility of getting back together. Can you think of a fourth way forward for us? Or are we doomed to return to the single life? Sign me...
Not A Third Way Centrist
My response—and NATWC's response to my response, and mine to his, and his to mine to his, etc.—after the jump...
How old are you? How old is she?—Dan
I'm 28. She's 29. I'm an attorney, she's an academic.—NATWC
How is being single at 28 a horror? How are you "doomed"? I didn't meet Terry until I was 30. Just sayin'.—Dan
A helpful perspective. But I've noticed that you haven't actually answered my question. If the answer is, "Move on, you're 28, you'll meet someone else," that's fine. I don't mind getting the brush-off—I know you're busy. I would appreciate it if you'd at least be explicit about it (this is one of my pet peeves—I don't "read between the lines" very well, so I tend to be really pushy about having people spell things out for me. But that's my failure, not yours). Anyway, thanks for the perspective. I'll keep it in mind.—NATWC
Sorry: It sounds like your GF is having a bit of a panic attack—which would explain why her reasons for ending this relationship seem so scattered, random, and vague. But she was the one who ended it, NATWC, and whether you two get back together seems to be to her call. So I would advise you to do... pretty much nothin'. Because there's not much you can do. Keep those lines of communication open, as they say, and give her some time to figure out which she'd rather give up: you or those pre-you-came-into-her-life/girl-parts life plans of hers. It sounds like the latter needs to adjust if she wants to hold on to the former.
Maybe she'll realize, once being "over" sinks in, that she simply can't live without you, NATWC, and she'll adjust her plans accordingly. Or maybe not. But the decision, again, seems to be hers to make.—Dan
Thanks. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me with this.—NATWC</blockquote>