I seem to hear a lot of complaints from you people that "life" isn't "extreme" enough for you. That's sad. Well, here's one solution: THE NUCLEAR COWBOYZ ARE COMING TO PORTLAND FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER ON SATURDAY, SATURDAY, SATURDAAAAAAAYYYY!!! EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEMME!!!!
Who are these "Nuclear Cowboyz," you may ask? My point-by-point explanation follows:
1) First of all, the Nuclear Cowboyz are not a terribly named band that opens for Nickelback. They are (according to their press release) "the only high octane-fueled theatrical freestyle motocross touring production in North America"! So kind of like Cirque du Soleil, except you don't want to punch their stupid French faces off.
2) OH, HO HO! But it gets even better: "Nuclear Cowboyz 2012 features the legend of two powerful motocross tribes (YESSSSSS!!!!) whose survival in their futuristic world is told through an action-packed narrative of fearless freestyle aerial feats, gravity denying stunts, and outrageous pyrotechnic displays synchronized to hard rock music." [NOTE TO READERS: While I may have originally thought this event was going to be super stupid, now I know that I AM THE STUPID ONE, and this event is the BEST THING EVAHHHHH!!]
3) Plus they sent me this great Nuclear Cowboyz hat and a RockStar Energy Drink encased in a Nuclear Cowboyz beverage cozy.
4) Still not convinced? GET CONVINCED.
5) I, for one, welcome our futuristic motocross tribe overlords, and hereby give this event the WM.™ STEVEN HUMPHREY UNMITIGATED SEAL OF APPROVAL™. The deets:
Nuclear Cowboyz 2012
Saturday, March 24, 7:30 pm
Get Tickets Here: $15 (kids 2-12), $35 (adults), and $125 (VIP Fallout Zone)
6) And if you don't want to pay the extra bucks to be in the "Fallout Zone," I don't want you anywhere near ME or this BLOG ever again!
7) After the jump, a picture of me wearing a Nuclear Cowboyz hat, drinking Nuclear Cowboyz energy drink, and generally being FUCKING NUCLEAR COWBOYZ EXTREEEEEEEEME!!